Nox Æterna
by Z. Alexander
Summary: Oh, Sora, you naïve optimist. You're the Keyblade Master, destined to be a hero and a savior. The part they don’t tell you is that you’re destined to die young, alone and misunderstood. But we don't have to cooperate with destiny, do we?


I know, I shouldn't be posting a oneshot. But I am. And surprisingly, it's not AkuRoku. Yes, it mentions past AkuRoku. But, come on. It's canonverse. It_ has _to be in the past. And also, it mentions SoKai. But _past _SoKai. This is, like, _dark. _But really cute. At least in my opinion, which you really can't trust. So this is a birthday present to myself (albeit a week late; I finally turned 21 on the 14th).

Disclaimer: I don't own _anything _except this particular story's plot.

**Nox Æterna**

* * *

The first Heartless appear the day school lets out for the summer. He has a bracelet in his pocket, made of the Twilight shards and Serenity crystals he never used. Riku made fun of him for spending three days making it, but he knows _she_ will like it.

So he doesn't notice the Heartless right away. He only notices how Kairi's eyes sparkle when he holds out the bracelet awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Kairi, I really…"

And then he hears the screams.

_Dear God, what is that thing?_

_Selphie!_

_Tidus, help her!_

_There's two of them!_

"I really…have to go check this out, but…I'll be back, okay? Just stay right here, and if anything bothers you, hit it with your Keyblade until it's dead. Don't hold back, okay?"

He doesn't wait for her to reply, because he knows she can take care of herself. They've been practicing all year, and by now she can hold her own against Riku, at least. She can't beat him, and she can't keep up with Sora, but he's spent too long saving people to understand form and he's a sort of loose cannon in a fight. Riku can't keep up with him any more either, so it's not surprising.

She can take care of herself.

_Please, let her be able to take care of herself._

They still haven't had a proper date, he thinks, before the Darkside rises up and blocks him from the smaller Heartless terrorizing the Islanders he wants to protect – he's _destined _to protect.

_What's going on?_

He doesn't answer his own thought, because this isn't _right. _He hurls his Keyblade at its head, calling it back quickly and jumping over the puddles of darkness to land swift hits on any part of it he can reach. He knows from previous experience that its hands are the most vulnerable, but he doesn't have time to spend hacking away at them. So with some sort of innate knowledge he didn't know he had, he jumps and runs up its chest. With one powerful swing with Ultima, he lops its head off, finding a sick sort of satisfaction in the slick ripping sound it makes before disintegrating into black nothingness. He glides to the ground and immediately starts on the smaller Heartless.

It only takes him a few moments – they're not plentiful and as far as he knows, they haven't been able to multiply yet – and he checks his supply of Potions, relieved when he sees he has enough to heal everyone who got hurt.

He finds Riku back at the docks, sporting a cut on his shoulder and savagely beating the last Heartless into the ground. Wordlessly, Sora hands him a Potion and smiles at him.

But Riku doesn't smile back. "Where's Kairi?"

"She's in the hut on the little island. Don't worry; she's safe."

"Oh _really? _Sora, Kairi's not-"

"She has a Keyblade. She can hold her own against _you. _Sure, she can't beat you yet, but no one else on the island can last as long as her. Do you not have faith in her any more?" He's kind of angry at Riku, mostly because he doesn't know why Riku is glaring at him.

"You wouldn't understand," says Riku scathingly, before taking off toward the island in his boat. Sora is close behind, holding in a grumble, confident that Kairi is going to run out and greet them and tell Riku he's being silly. He _is, _after all.

But when they open the door, she's not there.

Naminé is.

"I'm so sorry, this is all my fault, we saw the Heartless and I panicked and it hurt Kairi's head…she could have saved herself if-"

"Save it," says Riku, and turns to Sora. "What did I _tell _you?"

Riku leaves Sora with Naminé, anger radiating off him and making Sora tremble. He doesn't understand. He looks at the girl, wearing white and shrunk into herself, tears streaming down her face – and embraces her, not knowing what else to do.

In the back of his head, he hears a whisper. _Naminé. _But the whisper is angry and Sora is afraid of it, because the whisper makes him want to attack her.

"I don't deserve your sympathy," she says quietly. "Please leave me alone for a while."

He leaves up the stairs, and though he shuts the door behind him, he can still hear her soft whisper.

"_I thought he'd be happy to see me…"_

Something clicks, but he wishes he knew what it was.

* * *

He wakes up crying, not knowing why until he remembers Kairi's gone for good.

It's been three days and Naminé has tried to integrate herself into their group. Wakka thinks she's pretty, but Tidus misses the easy banter he exchanged with Kairi when they fought with wooden swords. Selphie misses her best friend.

Riku ignores her, but Sora can see the longing in his eyes. He wonders if Riku had loved Kairi and they'd been too blind to see, but something doesn't add up.

_It's Naminé, _the voice says. It's still a whisper but it's getting louder. _She ruined everything._

He hates the voice. Not because it's in his head – he's had practice dealing with that kind of thing – and not because it makes his head spin whenever he hears it, either. He hates it because it always tells the truth, and the truth is something he can't handle right now.

He knows he should get up today. There will probably be another onslaught of Heartless to deal with, just like there was yesterday and the day before. But he's so _tired. _He's only sixteen, and he's already saved the universe twice. He had to make up two years of school in one year, and this summer he has to make up everything he missed this year. And now the Heartless are back.

So he pretends the last three days were just a dream, turns over, and falls asleep again.

* * *

"I've been waiting for you," a voice says. Everything is dark and he can't see very well, but he recognizes the voice. It's the same voice that whispers unwanted truths at him, and he calls his Keyblade. But he only hears a laugh.

"Show yourself," he says, hiding his confusion and his fear. He doesn't know where he is, or how he got here, and even though he's never been afraid of the unknown, he's afraid of this.

"As you wish."

He knows that form, that blond sweep of hair. He's seen it in person only twice, but he has the photograph framed on his desk. He's told Riku it's because he thinks his Nobody would have liked to see it, and though that's true, there's another motive. That's one of the truths he can't handle, one of the things he doesn't talk about, even with himself.

"Roxas?"

"Put your Keyblade away. You're only embarrassing yourself," says the blond carelessly, waving his hand as if dismissing a servant. Sora is entranced, and does as directed. How can this boy, who isn't even two years old, be so regal? How can he be such a commanding presence when he's not even _real?_

"Where are we," he asks after swallowing, trying to wet his suddenly dry throat. He's scared. Of himself.

"In your heart, of course. Where else would we be?"

"But it's so…dark. This _can't _be my heart."

He gets that laugh again. It's knowing and mocking and degrading, and he wants to call his Keyblade again but he doesn't. "Of course it is. Did you think _your _heart, out of all hearts, would be _light?"_

"But…the Keyblade…" He looks away from the knowing smile.

"The _Keyblade _chose your heart because you thrive in darkness, Sora. Your heart is the darkest of all, but you rise above it. The _Keyblade _chose you because you are the only one who can handle the darkness without succumbing to it."

"But Riku was supposed to-"

"And Riku _failed."_

Sora winces. "I can't…this is impossible. I'm not…darkness is _bad!"_

"Is it?"

He finally meets Roxas' gaze, and he's surprised at the look on his Nobody's face. He honestly looks curious, like the question isn't rhetorical, like Sora said something he doesn't understand.

"I…yes?" Suddenly he's not so sure any more. What _is _darkness, anyway?

"Darkness is balance. Darkness is seduction. Darkness is…the reason we have light. So can you have light _without_ darkness, Sora? Can you stand there and look me in the eye and tell me you'd rather lose the light than keep your darkness?"

He frowns. "Why are you doing this?"

There's that laugh again. Sora's starting to hate it. "Your friend made a dire mistake when he trapped me in a computer. I pay _attention. _Near the end of my first incarceration – the second being trapped within _you – _his fake Seifer told me he didn't feel like cooperating with destiny. To be perfectly truthful…he would never say that. But that is the mistake _Riku _made."

Roxas spits the name, tone full of resentment, and Sora is rocked by the force of it. He understands, but…Riku is his _friend._

"I still don't get it."

"Oh, Sora…you naïve optimist. You're the Keyblade Master, destined to be a hero and savior. Destined to bring balance, right?"

Sora nods, smiling weakly. "That's…that's what I've heard."

His attempt to lighten the mood does nothing, because Roxas' tone is deadly serious when he speaks again. "The part they neglected to mention is that you're also destined to die – alone, young, and misunderstood. You're _destined _to die saving all those people who don't appreciate you – who will forget you."

"But if that's destiny…"

"_I _don't feel like cooperating with destiny, _Sora._ What about you? Do you want to die, knowing you'll only be missed by those who knew you? Do you want to die, knowing your story will be twisted until you're just a nameless boy who might have possibly killed some Heartless once upon a time? Do you want to die saving people who just don't bother to save themselves?"

"It's better than doing _nothing," _Sora shoots back, suddenly defensive. No, he _doesn't. _He might be a hero, and he might be selfless, but sometimes – in those deep recesses of his mind, the ones he keeps boarded up at all times – he wishes they could just learn to take care of themselves, for a change. Why is he the one who has to go around saving everyone? He's just a kid.

But he doesn't want Roxas to know he thinks that. He doesn't know what Roxas wants and he doesn't trust his Nobody. He really just doesn't trust anybody any more. And he wishes he could.

"Of course it is," says the blond, slinking toward him. Roxas puts a hand on his shoulder and leans forward to whisper in his ear. "But do you _want _it?"

"I…"

"_Sora, wake up!"_

He blinks, and Roxas sighs, before looking at him thoughtfully. Sora's heart beats fast in his chest as Roxas leans in and pushes their lips together. It's a chaste kiss, but he still likes it far too much for it to be innocent.

"_Sora!"_

"For luck," says the Nobody, and Sora fades into tentative consciousness.

"Sora, the Heartless…they're _everywhere…_Riku can't hold them off alone."

He fully wakes and nods at Naminé, but he doesn't bother to speak to her. Realizing how cold that might have come across, he grins at her over his shoulder and decides not to change out of his pajamas. There are Heartless to slay and people to save and _wow, _being the Keyblade Master is a full-time job. _And _a thankless task.

_They just expect you to swoop in and save them, _Roxas whispers.

He decides to ignore that, because Roxas only whispers the truth to him. And he can't handle the truth right now.

* * *

He gets the letter exactly two weeks after Naminé took Kairi's place. He was expecting it, but that doesn't mean he's happy about it. Destiny Islands is overrun with Heartless, but the other worlds are becoming slowly affected and somewhere inside, he knows the Islands will be safer once he's gone.

The Keyblade attracts Heartless.

Something creeps up behind him and he turns, drawing his Keyblades.

Wait.

Key_blades?_

Riku's eyes widen. Belatedly, Sora realizes the presence behind him wasn't a threat; it was just his best friend. He lifts Oathkeeper slightly, admiring it. He hasn't called it in a while; and he doesn't know why it happened. He doesn't know why Oblivion came out, either, or even why he has two Keyblades when he's alone.

"What have you done with Sora," asks Riku, drawing his own weapon.

"What? Riku, what are you _talking about?"_

"Don't play games, Nobody." Sora doesn't like the way Riku is looking at him. "I know you've done something with him."

_He thinks you're me, _says the voice.

"No, I'm not…I really _am _Sora. Why would you say that?"

_Keyblades. I used two._

That's not very helpful. Riku is settling into a stance and Sora doesn't want to fight him. Not like this. Not seriously, not like in Hollow Bastion Castle when Riku wasn't himself. He doesn't want to hurt his best friend.

"Please, Riku…don't do this. I don't want to fight you. I just…these just appeared. You startled me, I just-"

Riku springs at him and he brings both blades up, blocking the first strike.

And then he falls through the ground. The last thing he sees, before darkness swallows him up, is the panicked and betrayed look on Riku's face.

He never thought _Riku_ would ever look at _him _that way.

* * *

Twilight Town is calm, like always. Sora wonders if the reason is that it's too close to the dark realm for the Heartless to be satisfied. Maybe.

"Wow…it's just like I remembered," he murmurs. He looks around and wonders why he's here, and why he's on the station tower. He remembers sitting here with someone, someone very dear to…no, he's never been here, certainly not with…Axel.

"Must be Roxas' memory."

_Yours, too. What's mine is yours. _Roxas sounds bitter.

"Do you miss him?"

Sora can feel something tighten in his chest and he wonders what possessed him to ask. But: he knows it's a question he would have liked to hear, on his adventures. He would have loved to be asked about himself, his likes and dislikes, his own personal goals.

_No._

Oh, but that's a lie. Sora won't call him on it, though. Because to call him on it would be to drag out truths he really doesn't want to think about. His lips tingle as he remembers the kiss and –

"Let's go see how Hayner, Pence, and Olette are doing," he says out loud, and _loudly,_ desperate for a change in his thoughts. He doesn't want to think about the times he's stared at that photograph, wondering if they would have been friends. He doesn't want to think about how the Nobody's lips are…

"I bet they'll be surprised to see me."

He's talking to nobody.

Literally.

And he gets a low, knowing laugh in response.

* * *

With every swing of Oathkeeper, he mutters angrily; and with every swing of Oblivion, he takes a breath.

_Damn. _Breath. _You. _Breath. _Heartless. _Breath. _Just. _Breath.

"Die already!"

The last one is a battle cry. He crosses his blades in front of his chest and swings them outward, finally finishing the Stealth Sneak and wondering why it was on the _beach _in Twilight Town, where Hayner, Pence, and Olette were.

And why it had appeared at all. Weren't they extinct?

_Heartless are hardly an endangered species, _Roxas says dryly. Sora kind of wishes he had a corporeal body so he could hit him.

"Was that…was that a Heartless," Olette asks breathlessly. "I couldn't even _see _it!"

"Yeah. Most of them aren't invisible though. You just got attacked by a nasty one. Can you fight?"

"With Struggle bats," replies Hayner. "We never had to fight before…what's going on?"

Sora sighs. "I'm not sure, but it seems that your world has been invaded by Heartless."

"How do you get rid of them," asks Pence.

"By…fighting them." Shouldn't that be obvious? "That's why I asked if you can fight."

Hayner looks at Olette and groans. "We're _doomed."_

Sora knows he's just kidding. At least, he hopes so. "You're…joking, right?"

"I'm sure we can hold our own…I mean, Seifer has his weird sword thing, and Rai and Fuu have their weapons…that's why _they're_ the _Disciplinary Committee," _Hayner says resentfully.

"O-okay. Well, I'll be here for a while, so…maybe we can get this all secured, and…"

"Oh, Sora, you're an absolute _godsend," _Olette gushes.

"Um…thanks?"

_Incompetent morons._

Sora doesn't want to listen. Because Roxas only whispers the truth to him and he thinks it's bad if he can handle the truth.

* * *

He shouldn't be surprised when his feet lead him to the old mansion. He _is _a little surprised anyway; he didn't think Roxas would want to revisit this place. But he does. Sora wonders if it's a bad thing.

_My body is still here somewhere. And we're going to find it._

"What?" This doesn't make any sense at all.

Roxas sighs, as if explaining all this is beneath him. Sora bristles but there's not much he can do about it, is there? He can't even touch Roxas. (He wonders if maybe Roxas would kiss him again if they found it. And he hates himself, a little, because he's in love with Kairi. Roxas is a very attractive person, someone he likes looking at. That's why he has that photograph on his desk. But Sora's not thinking this. Nope. Definitely not.)

_You didn't think I brought us here for no reason, did you?_

So, then. Roxas doesn't want him to be a puppet of destiny, but he doesn't care if Sora becomes a puppet of his _Nobody? _Who does he think he is, anyway?

_I am you._

What can he _possibly _say to that? And does that mean he's…no. Don't think about it.

So he touches the beam. Something's not letting him through, so he hacks away at the door. He casts _Thundaga _and the electricity short-circuits whatever force is holding the door in place. And he goes down the hallway, looking for the pod he knows will be there.

_This is going to hurt, _says Roxas, and Sora doesn't have to brace himself because he's already unconscious beside the still form of his Nobody.

But unconsciousness is where all those unconscious thoughts overwhelm him, and the only things he can think are _why didn't Riku bother to collect Roxas' body?_

And:

_If Riku purposely hurt my Nobody, does that mean he purposely hurt me?

* * *

Wake up, Sora._

His eyes snap open and he shoots to his feet, only to double over and empty his stomach on the floor. Something is not right. He feels incomplete and dizzy and wonders whose fingers are running through his hair.

"He-who-zuh," he says, trying and failing to form words with any sense of coherency.

"Sorry," says the owner of the hand in his hair. Sora's weak powers of perception tell him the voice is insincere, but the hand still feels nice.

"Zuh," he says again, this time because he feels like he's going to lose the lunch he doesn't have any more.

"Well, it went wrong," says the voice. "But it also went better than I could have imagined. Just think of all we can do with _four _Keyblades."

Sora doesn't really get it. But there's a feeling in his stomach that has nothing to do with the nausea. He can't decide if it's good or bad.

And he throws up again.

* * *

Roxas is staring at him and he doesn't understand why, instead of being surrounded by darkness, they're surrounded by white. He blinks his eyes, trying to get rid of the haze which comes with waking up, and looks around.

There are drawings on the walls – crayon drawings of him, and Donald and Goofy, of Kairi, of Riku, of Roxas, and of…Axel. What? This looks familiar…

He's in the old mansion.

"How are you here," he rasps. His throat hurts.

"You're not happy to see me? Really, Sora, you're breaking my heart," says his Nobody, stroking his hand with one finger.

"I thought…you didn't have…a heart."

Roxas gives him a very odd look. It's three parts angry, one part hurt, and a thousand parts amused. "I didn't. But _now _I do."

Sora puts his fingers on his own neck, heaving a sigh of relief when he can feel his pulse. The blond laughs. "I wouldn't steal _yours. _I'm just borrowing part of it. You should be thankful I'm not like _Naminé."_

Sora sits up quickly, unmindful of the headache pounding against his brow. "What do you mean? What about Naminé?"

"I can only assume she _missed you. _As you thought – Kairi could take care of herself. So why didn't she? _Who would have been happy to see Naminé? _And how many Heartless did you see on that island, anyway? Not enough to consume _Kairi's _heart. So _what happened?"_

He's panicking now. Not because of Roxas' words, directly – but because so far, Roxas has only told him the truth.

And he doesn't want to think that Naminé – the girl who fixed him, according to Riku, the girl who _saved _Kairi from the dungeons – would do something so drastic as to make Kairi lose.

"She never really liked _me," _Roxas comments, looking at his hands and flexing them. He's probably getting used to being in his body again. "We never met, other than in this place. But she _did _spend a lot of time with Riku, didn't she? I wonder…could she have taken the opportunity to see _him _again?"

Sora remembers the way Riku watched Naminé, on the islands, and the way Naminé followed him around like a lost puppy. But…that _can't _be…

"How do you know all this?"

"I don't." Roxas gives him a grin which is all teeth and venom. "But until now, I could only observe. And like I said…I pay _attention. _These are only…educated guesses. But this _does _explain a lot, _doesn't it?"_

"Don't! You're not…_I don't believe you!"_

"You don't have to."

So he doesn't.

_At least not consciously._

* * *

They've come to an understanding. Roxas won't mention Naminé and Riku; and Sora will allow Roxas to get them from place to place. They don't have a Gummi ship – in fact, Sora's fairly sure the King doesn't even know where he is, and positive no one knows about Roxas' return – and the worlds _need him. _He's their _hero. _He can't let them down. And he can't tell anyone about Roxas; they'd try to take him away. He's a _Nobody. _And Sora's starting to realize that maybe Nobody does not equate to Darkness.

So he allows himself to be led through those corridors of darkness, and holds his Nobody's hand like a baby. He's not scared of the darkness. But he _is _scared of the way it calls to him, pulls on his heart like he never noticed it always does. So he holds onto Roxas because _he_ seems to be unaffected.

There's a reason Roxas' affinity is light. And Sora doesn't want to believe it's because the heart of the Keyblade Master is the darkest of them all, so he pretends it's not true.

* * *

When they're finished securing Radiant Garden – thank the stars there are competent fighters here – they visit Hollow Bastion Castle. Roxas wants to see the place he was 'born,' and Sora wants to check on the keyhole.

"The only thing that changed here is that it's dustier," Sora jokes.

"I wouldn't know," Roxas replies mildly. Sora doesn't want to hear the sad undertones in his Nobody's voice, but they are undeniably _there. _So he puts his arms around Roxas' shoulders in a comforting gesture.

Roxas returns the embrace and presses their lips together for the second time. This kiss is more passionate than the first, and not remotely innocent. Roxas doesn't wait for permission; he just slips his tongue inside Sora's mouth and pulls him closer. It's nothing like he ever imagined kissing to be; he'd always fantasized about something gentle and passionate and with that _girl._

What was her name again? It started with a K…

No, an N. Naminé. How could he forget? He doesn't know anyone whose name starts with 'K.'

Well, it's not like he ever got to kiss Naminé. And somewhere, in the dark unchained parts of his memory, he knows he never wanted to. Red is swiftly being replaced by blonde. Or maybe he's just crazy.

But kissing Roxas is good. Kissing Roxas is much better than the idea of kissing Naminé.

* * *

"I was expecting you to push me away," Roxas admits, handing him a bar of sea-salt ice cream. "I'm not _Kairi."_

Sora blinks and shifts on his perch; he never realized how majestic Radiant Garden looked, but now he's high up on the Castle walls and he can see why it's _Radiant._

"Who's Kairi?"

Roxas' eyes go wide. "Um, _Kairi? _The girl you've liked for _years? _Red hair, pretty eyes…" He swallows and looks out at the city again. "The girl you spent three days making a present for, just so you could impress her when you asked her out."

Sora laughs. "No, you've got it wrong. I made that for _Riku _to give to her, since he's hopeless at stuff like that. And her name's Naminé, anyway. She's blonde. Who are _you _thinking of? Someone you met while you were in the Organization?"

"You're…you're _serious."_

"Well, yeah. That's what _happened. _I mean, I admit I don't have a perfect memory, but I think I'd know who I grew up with." He grins. "I think you're a little confused, Roxas."

But his Nobody's eyes just cloud over and he mutters, _"Bitch."_

Sora doesn't really get it. But then, he doesn't get _Roxas. _He doesn't get why Roxas kissed him or really, why he _let _it happen. But it's okay, right? Naminé's safe on the Islands with Riku, the worlds are being saved, and…it feels really nice to have Roxas' hand in his, even if Roxas is looking away nonchalantly, like he's trying to pretend it's not actually happening.

* * *

Sora can't keep pretending he doesn't know why there are more Heartless in larger worlds. More people equates to more Heartless, and it seems that no one knows how to defend themselves. He thinks maybe instead of running around in panic, they should use their heads and crowd in safe zones. There are places Heartless refuse to go, and they would be safe there.

But they don't _think, _do they?

He wrinkles his nose as he slashes through a Large Body with both Keyblades. That was most definitely a _Roxas _thought. He glances over at the blond, systematically decimating a cluster of Heartless with his _own _Keyblades – Two Across and Bond of Flame. When did they start synchronizing? He knows that Roxas is his Nobody, but they are definitely two separate entities. So why is _he_ starting to think like that?

He's not going dark. He's just…everyone gets frustrated once in a while. Right?

* * *

They're in the Cave of Wonders and Sora is wondering who this 'Kairi' is. Ever since Roxas said her name, something's been scratching at the back of his mind. Something wants him to remember but that's stupid. How could he forget someone he liked enough to ask out?

Roxas, still dressed in monochrome with a dash of red, doesn't let him think for long. There's something about him…maybe the way their fingers fit each other, or the way their mouths align perfectly, or the way they don't need to talk much but they _know _each other – Sora thinks it might be able to be called Narcissism, except anyone can see they don't look very much alike at second glance and their personalities are like night and day.

It's odd that after four months of this, they're still being so _innocent. _Sora knows from Roxas' memories with the redhead, Axel, that it could go much farther than this. And Sora wants to know: what is Roxas waiting for? Sora doesn't know how to initiate something like that, doesn't know how to ask about it. Battle-hardened as he might be, he knows next to nothing about most everything else.

When Roxas pulls away, it's like they weren't just kissing. And Sora hates it. He wonders if Roxas really does care, or if he's using Sora as a replacement.

"I wish I'd met you much earlier," Roxas admits.

Maybe not? He clenches his fists and breathes, forcing down the wave of unwarranted jealousy and frustration and _fear _and guilt and who knows what else. It's not there. He's not feeling like this.

He's not going dark. _He's not._

* * *

When the theory hits him he stumbles over his own feet and almost gets his head taken off by a Lance Soldier. Roxas zooms in and finishes it, calling, "Sora, get with it!"

Sora resumes fighting but he still can't help but wonder: _who started this? Would I have felt like this about Roxas if he didn't feel like this about me? Or would he feel like this about me if I didn't feel like this about him?_

_Are we forcing each other through this? Is this why he doesn't do anything more than kiss me? Is he thinking the same thing?_

* * *

Roxas looks like he's in pain. They're sitting atop the station tower in Twilight Town, and he's telling Sora about Kairi.

"Well, she's very pretty. Her hair is the color of red wine, and her eyes are blue. They're darker than yours, but still very bright. She's only a bit taller than Naminé; you're the same height. She likes to wear pink, and once she gave you a charm made out of-"

"-Thalassa shells," Sora finishes quietly.

"Yes. Do you remember now?"

"No." Sora sighs. "I don't."

"Oh."

Sora chances a glance at his Nobody and wonders if that's _his _pain, at not remembering – or if it's _Roxas' _pain, at having to tell Sora about the girl he supposedly loved.

Maybe it's both. If they're two separate entities…

_I am you._

He doesn't get it any more. Maybe he never did.

* * *

He wakes up with Kairi's name on his lips and Roxas' hand on his hips.

He looks over at his groggy Nobody – or is he more than a Nobody, now? – and realizes that maybe it doesn't matter. Kairi, the redhead in his dream, is gone. He doesn't know why and he thinks he'll probably forget what she looks like in a few minutes. Maybe it doesn't matter _why _he feels this way; maybe it's enough just to feel it and accept it. He's spent too long trying to please everyone, and he's forgotten what it's like to do something for himself.

"I…love you, Roxas," he murmurs.

But Roxas has already gone back to sleep, and Sora's not sure he'll be able to say it again.

* * *

Destiny Islands is mostly unchanged; the only new addition is the Heartless.

And Sora is suddenly finding it hard to care about the Heartless. Kairi – the redhead in his dreams, the one with the pretty laugh and the star-shaped charm – is gone, and in her place, a shadow of everything Kairi might have stood for and might have thought. But he can't know because Kairi's memory is fleeting and he only remembers at all because _Roxas _remembers and they are connected by their heart.

Riku is at the docks, holding the impostor's hand, and Sora's insides _burn._

He has to clench his fists and grind his teeth and breathe deeply to keep himself from running to them, jumping on them, yelling at them. He has to remind himself forcefully that Riku has most likely been duped, and that no matter what, it isn't okay to just attack someone, Nobody or not.

_But isn't that what he's always done with Nobodies? Attacked first, asked questions once they were dying?_

She can't defend herself.

_Oh, but she can. If it wasn't for Roxas, he wouldn't remember Kairi at all._

He grasps Roxas' hand tightly, silently asking for strength. From beside him, Roxas laughs. It's that smooth, amused, and knowing one; and Sora knows by now it's the laugh the blond uses when he's out of his element. When he doesn't know what to do. He uses it to put his enemy on the defensive; it's always disconcerting when your opponent knows something you don't and refuses to share.

Sora knows a lot of things about Roxas now, things Roxas probably doesn't even know about himself. He's not the _only _one who pays attention.

"I can distract Riku, if you want," Roxas murmurs, and Sora knows Roxas has been itching for a fight with Riku since they separated. He doesn't know how he feels about that – Riku _is _his best friend.

So he replies, "Don't kill him."

"I wouldn't do that to you."

Sora is left shivering, and purposely keeps his eyes on the ground as he hears Riku's cry of surprise.

Once he knows Riku and Roxas are occupied (Roxas is using that laugh, and Riku is speaking very quietly, and suddenly there is a clang of blade on blade), Sora makes his way to Naminé's side.

"Oh, Sora," she says, sounding truly happy to see him. Maybe she is. Sora can't tell.

"Hi, Naminé," he answers quietly. "What have you been doing lately?"

He thinks she probably caught his hidden meaning, the hidden accusation, but she doesn't acknowledge it. "Just spending time with Riku. He told me you made the bracelet he gave me. Thank you."

"Yeah, I made it." He shifts and looks at her dead on. "I made it for _Kairi."_

She blinks and steps back slightly. "What…" She swallows. "What do you mean? Who's Kairi?"

"You know very _well _who Kairi is." He watches her take another step back but doesn't follow. He's not trying to scare her, but if he was, it would be working splendidly. "The girl I loved. You stole her from me, and now you're pretending she never existed. Did you do this to Riku, too?"

She ducks her head, probably realizing that the game is up. "I had no choice. Kairi's heart still…it's different when one becomes a Nobody for a second time…it still affects me. I'm…I didn't want to hurt you any more, so…I decided to erase her. It would be like she never existed, and-"

"So you erased her because you were _guilty?"_

"What? I…"

Sora gives her a stern look. She averts her eyes but he doesn't think it's because she's scared of him. He thinks she's ashamed of what she's done and for a moment he wonders if maybe he's being too hard on her.

But he looks out at the beach and sees Roxas, and remembers Kairi, and realizes: no. He's not. He's not being too hard on her.

"Yes…but I promise, I didn't think it would hurt-"

"You thought taking her away wouldn't hurt anyone?" He laughs, and notices it sounds a lot like Roxas' laugh. Cynical, amused. But he's more hurt than anything. "She was the girl I wanted to marry. When Roxas told me – when he wondered if you did it on purpose, to see Riku – I refused to believe him. I had faith in you. I told him I didn't believe him. But…he was right, wasn't he?"

She doesn't answer. Instead, she brings her arms up to her chest, looking down. She doesn't answer, but her body language is answer enough.

Sora looks away from her and sets his eyes on Roxas and Riku, still fighting; but it doesn't look serious. He wonders if Riku actually trusts Roxas or if he's forgotten their history or if he's just really been missing a good opponent. Sora knows Riku won't be able to beat Roxas but he's not worried.

_Roxas wouldn't do that to him._

He smiles despite himself.

_Roxas _wouldn't have taken Kairi away. So maybe…maybe Roxas loves him.

"I can help you forget, if you want," Naminé says softly.

"No." He likes the feel of that word on his lips. "No, Naminé. I don't want to forget. Kairi is special to me."

"But I-"

"_No." _He grins. "Even if I lost her, I want to keep the memory of her. Replacing her with you would be…wrong. And someone's been helping me, anyway. It'll always hurt, but it won't take over."

She blinks, and turns around to watch the fight. "…Roxas? First Axel, and now _you?"_

He purses his lips. "Why does it matter to you?"

"Because Axel just…I thought – and then, of course, Riku-"

"Wait, you liked _Axel?"_

"No!"

It's not true, he can tell. But he wonders if maybe Naminé doesn't truly like anyone – just thinks she likes the people who actually bother to speak to her. He feels the beginnings of pity, before he remembers a body burning away and the way Roxas said _no _when he asked if he missed Axel.

He might be young and heartbroken, but he's not _stupid. _Seventeen or not, he isn't so naïve as to think she did this for revenge. Naminé isn't intentionally ruining everything, he knows.

Only accidentally.

* * *

They're in Sora's room, and Sora's mother is downstairs, but they've locked the door and it's not like silence is impossible. She barely remembers Sora as it is – their relationship was strained by the time away and this recent disappearance hasn't helped a bit – so he's sure she won't come to check if she hears something anyway.

He has to admit he never imagined something _this _intense, _this _amazing, and he can't bring himself to wonder if it would have been like this with Kairi.

Because it's _Roxas' _fingers on his hips and _Roxas' _mouth on him and _Roxas' _name he has to bite back when everything gets too hot and hazy. His eyes are heavy and loose and his body spasms for reasons he can't ponder right now.

He opens his eyes to the sight of Roxas' hands on himself, and when he shifts, intending to return the – favor? Pleasure? –, Roxas shakes his head. But holds his gaze until his own peak, and Sora realizes – quite suddenly – that his Nobody's eyes are darker than his.

But they're beautiful, like that; the darker shade _makes _them beautiful.

* * *

"I'm sick of this," Sora admits, laying his head on his paws and purring when Roxas licks the back of his head. The Oasis is so peaceful, and he's glad it's still a safe zone.

"Of what," Roxas asks, before running his tongue along Sora's fur several times. Sora thinks that maybe being a lion all the time would be fantastic, if someone would do this at least once a day.

"Going around, fixing things for everyone…I mean, it's my _job, _I get that. But – I mean, in this world, there are a lot of fighters, but they seem so helpless when I'm not around. I don't want to complain or anything but sometimes I just wish…I just wonder what it would be like to _quit. _Like with a regular job. Give my two weeks notice and leave this all behind."

"Why don't you?" Sora is embarrassed at the mew of protest that comes out when Roxas stops licking and rests his body atop Sora's instead.

"Because I'm the _Keyblade Master. _I'm not supposed to _quit. _That's not how it's supposed to go."

Roxas pushes himself up and circles him, so they can face each other when he mirrors Sora's position with his head on his paws. Once settled, he asks a familiar question. "Do you feel like cooperating with destiny?"

"I…" He really wants to say he wants to. But honestly? "Not really."

"Then don't."

Sora thinks it feels weird when he frowns in this form, but it's a natural reaction. "How can you say that? It's _destiny."_

Roxas' grin looks even scarier in this form, because his teeth are long and sharp, but Sora isn't _actually _scared. "I escaped _mine. _You can escape _yours. _Just because everyone expects you to save them…it doesn't make it an obligation. What if you were dead, hmm? It would be the same scenario. They'd have to find a way to take care of themselves."

"But-"

Roxas cuffs him with his paw lightly. "Just think about it. Whatever you decide to do, I'm going with you."

And he thinks – maybe Roxas has a point.

_I'm destined to die young and alone and misunderstood. Do I want that?_

_Do I want that for Roxas?_

_Why should I even care about them, anyway, when I have someone more important?_

He's not dark. He's _not. _But those thoughts…

Love isn't dark. Surely.

* * *

When Sora realizes it's been six months and he hasn't heard from the King or his old companions _once, _he wonders if they really did care about him – or if they cared about the Keyblade Master. If he had lost his heart and Roxas had appeared again, would they have simply followed him instead?

…Or would they have tried to kill him, for being a _Nobody? _Even _Sora's _Nobody?

It's very disquieting.

He feels the tug on his heart, pulling him toward Disney Castle. Roxas feels it too – they _do _share a heart – but Sora puts his hand on the blond's arm.

"No," he says quietly. "They have fighters, and even their own Keyblade there. Let them handle it for themselves, for a change. Why don't we go say hi to Hayner and the gang at Twilight Town?"

Roxas' smile is small and encouraging and Sora wonders if he's done the right thing.

But Roxas is a Nobody and Sora hasn't eliminated him, and that's perfectly okay; even though, before, Nobodies were the enemy and it was 'wrong' to let them live, to let them continue on with their goal of finding their own hearts. So what _is _the 'right thing?'

_Is _there such a thing as 'right?'

* * *

It's been eight months since the first time he refused to fight.

Seven months since the first world fell. Seven months since he sobbed in self-loathing and let Roxas hold him till he slept.

Five months since the second world fell.

Three months since the King stopped looking for him and started moving the survivors to Radiant Garden.

One month since he last saw Riku and Naminé. Riku didn't remember him.

Ten minutes since he told Roxas what he's decided to do.

Today is his eighteenth birthday.

"Are you sure about this," Roxas asks, kissing him once.

"They all hate me," Sora replies, and he knows he should be devastated but he isn't. "You don't have to do this with me."

"You know I'll follow you anywhere."

_That's _the reason he's devastated.

"Then we're together in everything," he says, and hopes Roxas will change his mind.

But Sora knows he won't, because Sora is Roxas' other half. In more ways than one.

* * *

They're perched on the ledge overlooking the Great Maw, hand in hand, watching the sun set, sharing a sea-salt ice cream Roxas snatched while no one was looking. It won't be long now, and Sora feels the beginnings of fear to stir in his stomach.

Roxas squeezes his hand.

"This is it, huh?"

"It was _your idea," _he jokes, trying to alleviate some of the butterflies in his stomach.

"Well, not quite." Roxas' tone is frank and flat but Sora knows he's not upset; he's probably amused. Roxas has always been the hardest and the easiest to figure out. "But I have to say, I like your idea better."

"You're the one who suggested cheating destiny."

"Not quite like this."

Sora doesn't have time to reply, because the residents of Radiant Garden – old and new – have spotted them. He thinks their disappointed faces might have, once upon a time, hurt to look at. But now he's more preoccupied with the Heartless at his back.

Pulling Roxas close, he whispers, "Don't let go."

"I would never do that to you."

Their lips meet, and Sora braces himself.

_Requiem æternam dona eis__ -  


* * *

_**

* * *

**

**quod incepimus conficiemus

* * *

**

* * *

Okay, quick ending notes here: I've used a couple of Latin phrases for this, so I'll quickly translate and explain.

The title means 'Eternal Night.'

The ending italics are taken from the Roman Rite liturgy (Requiem Mass, for those of you who don't know), though I have changed it a little. Originally, the first part goes like this:

_Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine,  
_

_et lux perpetua luceat eis._

And they mean _'Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.'_ Obviously I dropped most of it. I just thought it was fitting for this story.

_Quod incepimus conficiemus _can be translated to _What we have begun we shall finish. _I also found this fitting.

So that's everything. Hope you had fun; I did.


End file.
